My Holistic Healing Journey

Today I’m going to take a quick diversion from history, and get real for a moment. I want to share with you some of the healing journey that I’ve been on for the past six years or so in the hopes that it might be of some help and encouragement to some of you.

For those who don’t know, I was diagnosed with severe CFS/ME, Fibromyalgia, and POTS in 2017, and it left me bedridden for two years. For two years I basically lived in my bed. I was ridiculously weak, in horrendous pain, unable to walk by myself (I used a wheelchair to occasionally go out), unable to sit up in bed without help, and struggling to string words and sentences together. At the start of all that, I spent several nights in the hospital. But the medical system failed us. The doctor sent me home to bed with only a box of anti-depressants – like that was supposed to help. We desperately tried to figure out what was wrong, but my test results kept coming back normal. We had to look elsewhere. The answer for us has been natural medicine. I will be forever thankful for the fact that my Mum is a nutritionist and that natural medicine is her thing, because it meant that she knew what to research and where to go and what to try to try and help me. It’s not been any one cause that we’ve found, nor has it been any one thing that has helped me. But the turning point came in April 2019, when the treatment that my naturopath had had me on for three months finally shifted things and I miraculously became un-bedridden. It was God’s mercy for sure and an answer to prayer.

However, I may have turned the corner physically but being severely ill and bedridden for so long had taken it’s toll on me, not to mention the two years of Covid lockdown that we were all forced to endure a year after that, and was eventually diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD. Another facet to this was, that around the same time that I became un-bedridden, I had an awakening regarding the Christian organisation my siblings and I had been raised in (I later came to see that it was a cult). I realised that it had largely contributed to my developing my chronic illnesses as well as delaying my healing. Not to mention that it had twisted and damaged and caused a lot of dysfunction and trauma in all other areas of my life. So I began to question, examine, rethink, and deconstruct much of what I had been taught to believe and live, to figure out what actually is true and life-giving and aligned with reality.

I have taken a holistic approach to healing. I have continued to work on my physical health by doing things like taking supplements, using essential oils, eating healthy, working on my sleep, getting outside in the fresh air and sunshine regularly, pacing, doing an 8 week pain management course and applying the skills I learned there, and plenty of rest. But I have also been working a lot on my emotional and mental and spiritual health by going to therapy weekly and learning and applying the skills that my therapist has taught me. I’ve been learning how to regulate my nervous system, process my emotions properly, mindfulness and relaxation techniques, identifying toxic beliefs and thought patterns and rooting them out, and healthy coping skills. Healing my nervous system is helping me to have less anxiety, be able to regulate properly when triggered, being calmer and more stable emotionally, and being a whole lot happier in general. I will forever be incredibly thankful for my amazing therapist, and for all the other people whether in the health field or not who have contributed by talking things through with me, teaching me skills, helping me think through things, and helping me see a better future for myself. “A life worth living,” as one mentor called it.

C.S. Lewis called himself “a reluctant convert” to Christianity. Well, I consider myself a reluctant convert to natural health. Ask anyone in my family and they will tell you that I was the loudest protester about supplements, cod liver oil, smoothies, ultra healthy meals, and so on growing up. You get the idea. And I was also the unhealthiest of us kids. It has been a long journey for me and I still have a loooong way to go. I still don’t like or take cod liver oil or eat lentil stew. But I am learning and implementing things step by step. Learning from my amazing Mum and from my sister Hattie (who studied all this in Uni) who answer all my questions about nutrition and what foods help what issue. I am by no means perfect in doing all the things and I frequently fall off the horse and start getting worse again and then realise oopsies I’d better get back to doing that stuff again. I still have my chronic illnesses and mental health issues (I’m still on medication for those). This is by no means a cure as yet. But my symptoms have massively reduced and I’m able to function normally and independently, work as a disability support worker and help people, live by myself in my wee flat, have less pain and fewer crashes (though this is dependent on me keeping up with things), do some Uni study, and feel so much better, stronger, more resilient, and happier in myself. I used to describe myself as a bird trying to fly but instead dragging her broken wings along the ground. Now finally, I feel like I am starting to fly with my newly mended wings! I am still in the business of trying new things and listening to those who know more about this stuff than I do.

When it comes to my emotional and mental and spiritual health, the moment of change came when I realised that I didn’t want constant suffering and pain to be my life anymore. I didn’t want to be sick anymore. I was sick of the loss and grief, the chronic pain, fatigue, brain fog, and other physical symptoms, the negativity, the depression, the emotional dysregulation, the constant fear and anxiety, the emotional flashbacks, losing friendships, struggling in every area of life, not feeling interested in anything, not enjoying life, having no motivation, being in constant emotional pain, constantly feeling stuck, feeling like I couldn’t keep going anymore, and not being able to see anything better for my life. The moment of change came when I realised that things could be different. They could change and that I could change them. I could create a life that I didn’t have to escape from. I could create a life worth living. I could dream. I could plan. I could set goals. I could achieve my goals. I didn’t have to be stuck in a rut anymore. I caught a vision for that, for what things could be. I worked out what kind of life I wanted to live, got clear on my goals, and then started going after it. Getting healthy is helping me get to where I want to go and live the life I want to live.

I’m so glad I did. I am not yet where I want to be but I’ve already come a long way and I’m keeping on going. 🙂