Depression – Fighting for Courage & Hope

For several years now, depression and anxiety have been unwanted but regular companions. Coming on as episodes and sticking around for days, often weeks, and sometimes months, it is something I have had to learn to live with and deal with.

It seems to be a secondary depression, caused mostly by the awful things I have gone through with chronic illness, and then lockdowns, and so forth. I have not spoken openly about it except to those closest to me and my medical team. But writing about it may be a way to help me heal, and a way to come alongside you if you are struggling too, and give to you courage and hope.

Courage and hope. Two qualities dear to my heart that help keep me going when life gets tough. Courage because life is hard and we need to be brave, and hope because we can’t exist without it. It takes great courage to hope, especially when your hope has been dashed to pieces in the past. And it takes hope to have courage, to dare to step out and fight bravely you need to have something to hope for. Though this may not always be the case. I think of Lord of the Rings and Tolkien’s concept of fighting “the long defeat.” The elves, the men, the fellowship, and so on, didn’t have much hope that they could defeat the evil power of Sauron. Yet they fought bravely on regardless. They continued to do what is right and resist evil and be there for each other, even as hope died within them. Tolkien’s concept of eucatastrophe comes into play here too, as it was often in the moments when all hope seemed lost that salvation would come in the nick of time.

Hope is an expectation of future good. For Christians (and I am one), it is rooted in the promises of God. A God who has promised many good and wonderful things to those who love and trust Him, a God who cannot lie. A Christian always has spiritual hope, greatest of which is a better life to come free from all suffering and pain.

But hope in this life is often fleeting and accompanied by disappointment. We hope for things to get better, and they get worse. We hope for a dream to come true, and it doesn’t. We hope for a beloved relationship to be restored, and it isn’t. Yet still we must hope. We must dare to hope anyway. Hope that things can get better and actively work towards it. Hope that there is good in store for us because we have a good and loving God.

Depression steals our hope. It makes us feel hopeless and like there is no point hoping for anything anymore. It steals our joy and leaves a chronic sadness and worse, numbness, in it’s place. It steals our love of life and our desire to do things. It makes us feel worthless and unworthy of anything good.

In one sense, depression helps us to see life more accurately. Our senses are tuned in to the brokenness that is our world. We see the world for the broken mess that it is, without God that is. Life becomes hateful to us and we long for a better one, the World that we were made for. It reminds us that without God, we are without hope. Real spiritual hope. But it makes us turn our eyes to Him who is our Hope.

On the other hand, depression lies to us. It tells us we’re worthless, and keeps us from seeing the immeasurable worth we have in Christ. We were worth Jesus giving His life for. It tells us we’re hopeless, and keeps us from seeing the hope we have in Christ. It tells us that there’s no point going on, and robs us of our courage and strength. It tells us we’re broken, but doesn’t tell us that healing is possible. When these thoughts crowd into our minds, let’s challenge them. Let’s ask ourselves if what our brain is telling us is actually true. And let’s remind ourselves of the truth. That there is hope. That we are precious. That life is worth it.

Dear struggling friend… if I could hold your hand and look into your eyes I would tell you… don’t lose heart. I won’t tell you that it’s going to be okay, because I don’t know that. But I can tell you that if you know Jesus it’ll all ultimately be okay in the end. Hold on. It’s not the end yet. You have a life to live, a part to play in life’s story. Like each of Tolkien’s characters had a part to play in the epic story of Middle Earth. Don’t give up. Please. You are stronger than you know. You are fighting one of the toughest battles and you are stronger because of it. Courage and hope, my friend. Courage and hope.

Life may break me over and over and humble me into the dust, but may I rise again stronger, braver, more loving, more compassionate, deeper, and more resilient than ever before.

To dare to hope takes guts. But let’s together have the guts to do it.

You with me?